Replacements

When my first dog died, my grandfather bought me another one the week after. He taught me that things you loved could be replaced. Growing up, I applied this concept to all the things I lost or broke- it didn’t matter if it was a camera, a sweater, or a boy. I treated my possessions carelessly; I wore things out, I lost them, I broke them. I knew there would always be new ones. Sometimes, the replacements weren’t as good as the originals. I told myself it didn’t matter, as long as there was one, as long as there would…

How it felt running my first marathon

A couple of months after I’d started running regularly, I casually remarked to my mother that I was thinking of running a marathon. She turned around, and flatly remarked to me, “You can’t run a marathon”. So I did. I can now call myself a marathon runner, after running Philadelphia Marathon in November 2017. It was the hardest physical feat I’d done until that point, and taught me what it really meant to feel pain. I first started running regularly in April 2016, after I got my first adult job. A bunch of people in the office used to go…

Autumn (and monogamy) in New York

Despite a rocky start, the last couple of weeks in San Francisco ended up being blissful. As we prepared to leave San Francisco and drive across the country though, I had a topic on my mind that I didn’t immediately broach. My boyfriend and I were about to fly out from San Francisco to Arizona to begin our road adventure before getting back to New York, when I suddenly asked, “Are we still going to do an open relationship when we move back to New York?” Previously, he’d told me that we would, despite the debacle that happened in the…

Leaving San Francisco

The first month in San Francisco was rough. It was difficult for me to adjust to the city, and to begin living with someone I’d only been dating for a few months. Since we only planned to be in the city for about 2 months, I didn’t bother looking for work. Instead, I picked up writing the novel again, engaged in all my leisure activities, and started volunteering at a food service for homeless citizens. Upon a critical self-evaluation, I realized what my problem was, in moving overseas to change myself for the better. I was still looking to an…

Life in San Francisco

So, shit happened in New York, and I moved to San Francisco, where I never really wanted to be. The incident that occurred in New York left me feeling troubled over my life decisions and judgment, but I had my best friend in New York with me to help me (mostly) forget that uncomfortable fact. The day after she left New York, my boyfriend and I packed up all my belongings from my Brooklyn apartment, bound for San Francisco. In a number of months in the US, I had quickly gotten good at writing goodbye notes on pretty paper, and…

The end of my New York life

After nearly three and a half months in New York, a fiasco occurred in my personal life, so ridiculous it could have formed the basis for a plot in a Woody Allen movie. And the worst thing was, both myself and all my friends had seen all the warning signs. I’d been heavily cautioned otherwise, but as I was wont to do, I threw caution to the wind, and did as I pleased. The sudden turn of events left me mortified and traumatized. Consequently, I decided to pack up and leave New York briefly, and run away to San Francisco…

Life in New York: Three months

I had been in New York three months and I was failing at life. After some deep and serious self-reflection, I had decided that my short experiment with polyamory came from the wrong place- rather than a desire to be open and honest with all my partners, I wanted to have my cake, and eat it, too. I realized I was not cut out for juggling multiple relationships, and that I was using polyamory as a blanket to engage in my desires, without considering the ethical repercussions of it. While I should have ceased this behavior, I didn’t. I was being…