Autumn (and monogamy) in New York

Despite a rocky start, the last couple of weeks in San Francisco ended up being blissful. As we prepared to leave San Francisco and drive across the country though, I had a topic on my mind that I didn’t immediately broach.

My boyfriend and I were about to fly out from San Francisco to Arizona to begin our road adventure before getting back to New York, when I suddenly asked, “Are we still going to do an open relationship when we move back to New York?”

Previously, he’d told me that we would, despite the debacle that happened in the earlier months, and despite that we were monogamous in San Francisco.

His reply was, “If that’s what you want”. I thought his answer was decidedly non-committal. I then asked, “What if I don’t want to anymore?” He then replied, “I would be fine with that,” before kissing me on the head. Based on what he’d said, I had a feeling that he was happy being monogamous. An open relationship had been a failed experiment for us.

Things in the last month between us had changed rapidly and significantly in San Francisco. From bickering over little things, I suddenly woke up one day and realized I had a wonderful person in my life who I had never really fully appreciated. I looked on the relationship with a new found vigor that I never had before.

We left San Francisco, and had a wonderful 10 day road adventure across the US. We then got back to New York, and went apartment hunting. We found an apartment that both of us loved, and signed a lease. I was ready to depart for Canada in 2 days to visit my best friend, when M accompanied me to the airport. During the ride to the airport, one of my friends back home was texting me about the relationship situation, asking, “Are you still going to be monogamous in NYC?”

I replied that we were going to go back to how things had been before, and M, reading over my shoulder, asked, “Are we?” as I just finished typing.

So there we were, in an Uber to the airport, having an uncomfortable conversation, just as we’d had many times before. M said because of an incident that took place earlier in the year, he no longer felt comfortable having an open relationship, but was open to me dating women. However, there were time constraints on how much I could date per week. He said he wasn’t comfortable doing a fully open relationship anymore, and that we would probably have to break up if that was something I needed. With my just blossoming romantic feelings for M, and my realization that I’d never find someone like him, I wasn’t prepared to give up the relationship, so while we were at Newark Airport, we agreed to semi-monogamy, and said goodbye temporarily.

I flew to Canada and had a relaxing two week getaway with my best friend in British Columbia, then returned to New York, where M was waiting for me in our new apartment. We had a perfect first week back, and in the following weeks, I settled back in. I was never so happy to be back in New York, and M was happy to be back, together. I settled back in, and this time, I tried harder to do everything that I had the first time around. I got a job. I got back on Bumble BFF and started making new friends.

Basically, I got my shit together. And when I least expected it, happiness crept into my life and settled there.

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